What is Self-Compassion?


Compassion is "...a sensitivity to suffering in self and others with a commitment to try to alleviate and prevent it." (Paul Gilbert/The Compassionate Mind Foundation)

Compassion connects us to others through shared vulnerability and recognition of common experiences (Brene Brown). When we see another person in difficulty, a compassionate response means that we notice their pain, offer kindness and understand that they, like us, experience adversity.

Self-compassion is exactly the same process, turned inwards. Kristin Neff, a psychologist known for her work on self-compassion, describes it through three core elements.

Mindfulness
This involves noticing thoughts and feelings as they arise without avoiding them or becoming overwhelmed by them.

Self-kindness
This is the practice of responding to yourself with warmth and patience instead of judgement.

Common humanity
This is the understanding that difficulty and imperfection are part of being human, and that other people also experience challenges.


Why self-compassion is not the default

Self-compassion sounds nice, but its far more than that. It's deeply connected to resilience, and tends to help us perform better in all areas of life.  However, for most of us, it is not the go-to response.

Why not?

From early in life, we develop stories about who we are (self), how other people behave (others) and what is happening in our environment (world). 

  • Self: the belief “I am not good enough” versus “I am capable of learning over time.”

  • Others: the belief “Others will judge me if I struggle” versus “Most people understand that everyone has difficult moments.”

  • World: the belief “The world is unsafe and unpredictable” versus “Challenges can be managed, and many situations are workable with support and skill.”

When things happen to us in life, our brain wants to fit those experiences into what we already know.  So, if we have an existing core belief: "I am a failure", when we make a mistake, the "failure" story is activated. Any belief that threatens our physical or social survival can trigger our brains stress response. So now, not only have we experienced pain, our pain is being exacerbated as our brain tries to defend us against it! 

The most common response to our own struggle is self-criticism, self-blame.  We also frequently project that outwards too. 

Think about the last time you made a mistake, did you hear the inner talk firing: "I'm so stupid", "I can't get anything right".  Or when something uncontrollable happened: "this always happens to me", or "i can't handle this". That's your psychological defenses to pain.

Judgement, criticism and blame are oddly more available under situations of stress. These patterns are common and understandable, yet they can limit our ability to learn, reflect, and adapt. Self-criticism tends to strengthen the old stories rather than help us move beyond them. It also consumes emotional energy and increases the likelihood of being caught in cycles of anxiety, anger, or shame, which can have negative effects on mental health.


What makes Self-Compassion a good idea?

Researchers such as Paul Gilbert and Kristin Neff have shown that self-compassion offers a more effective alternative. Self-compassion helps reduce activation in the internal threat system. When we are struggling, the threat system becomes more active, making it difficult to think clearly. Using a self-compassionate approach can support the continued engagement of the “thinking brain”, helping us stay connected to ourselves, to others, and to what is needed in the moment. In contrast, self-criticism increases disconnection and shifts the brain toward amygdala-driven responses that are less effective for problem-solving.

Self-compassion also supports learning. When we stay calmer and more regulated, we take in information more easily and are more able to make behavioural changes or commit to new actions. It becomes easier to reflect accurately on what happened rather than retreat into old patterns or defensive explanations. This is one of the reasons why self-compassion is associated with better adaptation, stronger emotional regulation, and improved wellbeing.

Additional benefits supported by research include:

  • Improved emotional resilience during periods of stress

  • Greater motivation over time, as behaviour change is not driven by fear or self-punishment

  • Enhanced ability to repair mistakes and try again

  • Lower levels of rumination and self-focused threat

  • Better interpersonal connection, as compassion for self and compassion for others tend to reinforce one another

  • There is even a study that found higher self-compassion to be associated with lower levels of PTSD in military context

Self-compassion does not remove difficulty. It changes how we relate to difficulty, in ways that help the brain stay balanced, engaged, and able to respond more effectively.

Self-Compassion in Scuba Diving

How practicing self-compassion can help you thrive in diving

Although there is no research specifically examining self-compassion in diving, there is extensive evidence from psychology showing that self-compassion supports regulation, learning, and resilience. These processes are relevant to many high-skill, high-attention activities, for example: sports research shows self-compassion can help athletes: (1) Manage stress and adversity (Philipp Röthlin et al., 2019); (2) Improve emotional regulation (James D. Doorley et al., 2021); (3) Reduce psychological distress (Courtney Campbell Walton et al., 2020).   So it's reasonable to consider that self-compassion may be useful for scuba divers too:.

  • It may reduce activation in the internal threat system: self-compassion can lower stress responses, which may help divers think more clearly when something feels difficult.

  • It may help keep the thinking brain online: self-compassion reduces self-criticism, which may support steadier attention and decision-making during challenging moments.

  • It supports learning and adjustment: people learn more effectively when regulated, so self-compassion may help divers absorb feedback and refine skills over time.

  • It may strengthen emotional resilience: because self-compassion improves emotion regulation, divers may recover more easily from nerves, frustration, or early surfacing.

  • It can reduce rumination and blame: self-compassion may interrupt unhelpful cycles of self-blame or outward blame, helping divers stay problem-focused rather than threat-focused.

  • It may support connection and communication: compassion improves interpersonal understanding, which may help divers express concerns and maintain psychological safety with buddies.

  • It may support long-term engagement in diving: by reducing shame and harsh self-evaluation, self-compassion may make it easier to continue learning and progressing after setbacks.


Here are just a handful of examples of where self-compassion may help: 

  • When a dive ends earlier than planned, such as surfacing with lower gas or feeling that conditions are too challenging.

  • When comparing yourself to more experienced divers, or feeling behind in training or skill development.

  • When learning new skills or adapting to new environments, including low visibility, deeper water, wrecks, caves, or new equipment.

  • When feeling pressured to continue despite discomfort, whether the pressure comes from yourself, the group, or the situation.

  • When reflecting on a difficult dive or a moment of struggle, and the mind moves quickly toward self-blame rather than curiosity and learning.

  • When trying to support another diver or a student, and feeling ineffective or stuck when your attempts to help are not working.


How to practise self-compassion

Self-compassion can be difficult to access in the moment. When something feels hard or stressful, the mind usually falls back on familiar patterns. We tend to respond in the way we have always responded. For most people, the easiest place to begin changing this is in reflection, after a dive or after a situation has settled. Practising self-compassion during reflection helps build a new pattern that may later become available during real-time challenges.

A simple way to practise involves the three elements of self-compassion:

  • Mindfulness: notice what happened and acknowledge the difficulty without exaggerating it or trying to push it away.

  • Self-kindness: respond to yourself with warmth and support rather than criticism or blame.

  • Common humanity: remind yourself that struggle, imperfection and moments of self-doubt are part of being human, and that many divers experience similar challenges.

You can practise these steps by using a guided exercise or by mentally rehearsing a more compassionate inner response after a difficult moment. With repetition, it becomes easier to bring self-compassion into the moment itself.


There has been a significant amount of research on self-compassion over the past two decades. Kristin Neff, one of the most prominent researchers in this field, has developed a wide range of guided practices and resources based on her work. These are available on her website:
https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/

The Compassionate Mind Foundation, founded by Paul Gilbert, provides audio practices and guidance drawn from Compassion Focused Therapy:
https://www.compassionatemind.co.uk/resource/audio

These practices are helpful for general self-compassion training, although they are not specific to scuba diving scenarios.

If you would like to build a library of practices that are designed specifically for divers and diving contexts, you may want to consider joining The Invisible Toolbox, where you can access diver-focused self-compassion exercises and other psychological tools tailored to diving.